Monday, December 04, 2006

Enigma

I am going to have a bad thoughtful day. I have refused an obligation request that was thought of to be an offer to me.Sundaravadhanam of the next apartment wanted me to drop Sanjana to school.

I’m known in the locality for voluntary services. I write Paropakaraartham Itham Sareeram in many places and get awkward pleasure when people ask me its meaning. Sometimes, it feels good to know things other people don’t. And it feels even better when you explain the ignorant. But when the ignorant is no longer ignorant, and he knows what you know, that’s when you start feeling insecure. I never felt insecure in terms of knowledge because I keep learning out of every single thing. Or at least that’s what I think.

Sundaravadhanam’s kid got admitted in the school that I studied for 14 years. I started my LKG and ended up my +2 there in that school. I know every pillar and bench of that place. Every teacher, staff and watchman. There’s no place in the school that doesn’t have my footprint (except the girls toilet). And mind you, 14 years is no small period. We had great friends at school, who are still in constant touch. We all did LKG to +2 together. We cherished life there. Not a single day in school went with a feeling of grin. I think, much like the other kids, that I had the most incredible schooling ever. I had a great deal of influence in my school that Sundaravadhanam’s daughter Sanjana got admitted in my school by just using my name. All I did in my school was I gained a lot of affection, and I didn’t like to quantify that by using my name in an obligation. However, it was done before I could realize it happen, and I was added to the gratitude list of a family.

Today, Sundaravadhanam called home, and had requested mom to request me to drop his kid at my school. He had also mentioned hat it will be a pleasure for me to walk into my school. I hate when obligations come disguised like an offer. I could only stare at my mom, when she told me this. The very feeling of the fact that I had to go to my school again gave a shudder in me. Quite contrary to what others might imagine. I very immediately started thinking of intelligent excuses. I found one and conveyed that as well.

But the shiver was still there. It is not the people there. It is that place. It has life.

Its been six years out of school, and not a single day passed without a random thought about my school. Yet, I did not want to step in that again. I somehow got a feeling it was an examination of my emotional turbulence, and I knew I would miserably fail in it. A lot of my friends visited school much too often and had a great time. But I felt the can was sealed and it looked good with the cover wrapped. Frequently opening the can and smelling the fragrance is not something I preferred to do. I rather dwell in the imagination that there is a great fragrance inside.

In the distance, Sanjana was hugging onto Balaji on his bike, who was dropping her to school.

How much I wanted to go there !! and how much I didn’t want to go there.. !

6 comments:

Sojourner said...

next time you get an offer, just go and make sure that there is no fragrance... then u need not worry. if it is a nice fragrance, you can go again and again....

monu said...

I havent stepped into my school either after completing it...

:)

I once ran into my sanskrit sir from school in my college...it was joy for me...but it vanished soon for he couldnt identify me...

i was the invisible type..neither was i outstanding nor was i naughty...and so i had to say that i belonged that that topper vaishnavi's batch.....
:(

anyways, after reading ur post i wonder how it would be if i entered my school again...even the thought fills me with nostaigia..
:)

but seems i cant escape for my sis insists that we put her kid in my school!!
:)

pRaBhU said...

intresting thought. which school?!

Jam said...

Hey there,

Quite an interesting post. Although the reasons for returning to school can quite easily be comprehended, the reasons for NOT going back to school are not too obvious.

Maybe a follow-up post on exactly why you DON'T want to go to school would be great.

Cheers.........Jam

priya said...

Nothing wrong. I never went back to my school I treasured a lot and things have changed due to my change of place. You have enjoyed your best part of life and it helped you to spread its wings. It is ok not to visit if you do not like and hter is no fear or guilty right. When you see those ppl' out ther, you talk to them but memories stay good with all we cherish at good times.

Keerthi said...

Iris, ??

Gayathri, How is Seeram !!?

prabhu, pretty interesting, huh ! School name secret.

jam, enigmatic - and thats why.

priya, i thought i was the only guy who could write enigmatic :) (Although i completely understand what you say, and thanks).